Addiction
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Obtuse, So Say a Prayer
Since Cole’s passing in 2018 my folks have made a valiant effort to become the parents we always needed them to be. They’re softer versions of the people they once were. They are easier to talk to, less judgmental (which still makes them more judgmental than most), and more supportive; but, in many ways, they… Continue reading
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Unforgiveable?
In active addiction I was a lying full-of-shit liar. Some of you, I’m sure, can relate. Most of the time, my lies were a way of explaining emotions I had little capacity for processing or understanding. On other occasions, they were a means of boosting my non-existent self-esteem. I was a furious anger-ball with a… Continue reading
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I AM Liminal Space…
I would like to thank Mindlovemisery’s Menagerie and Friday Faithfuls for the inspiration responsible for this post. Every piece of my life is liminal space at the moment. It’s as if I’m wrapped in a chrysalis that’s slowly fossilizing and I can’t breathe; because I know once the process is complete I’ll be trapped in… Continue reading
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This is Not Normal…
I grew up in a house with two parents who loved me. In that, I was lucky. I also grew up with two adult children of alcoholics who came from pretty dysfunctional families. In this, I was a little less fortunate. When I first started therapy I was asked if I came from a “happy… Continue reading
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If I’d Only Known, Part II
The doctors had promised that the nerve stimulator would provide a respite from the searing pain that ran from my lower back into my legs. It was one of the only reasons I had agreed — once again — to allow them to place a foreign object into my body. (That, and to appease Ma.)… Continue reading
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If Only I’d Known, Part I (Music Challenge)
If I had known how my absence would impact my family I might have never left. My hope was that it would bring them some peace — relief from all of the anger, resentment, and bitterness that I carried in my heart and bled all over everything I touched. The last time I saw them… Continue reading
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Puff, Puff, I Ain’t Givin’ It Up!
I vape like a dragon, smoke curling from the left side of my mouth or spouting from my nostrils — always tinged with the barest scent or flavor of vanilla. I am aware that this sounds a bit absurd and slightly immature; but, bear with me. The First Habit to Go Left Me Seeing Hell-Hounds… Continue reading