Recovery
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Obtuse, So Say a Prayer
Since Cole’s passing in 2018 my folks have made a valiant effort to become the parents we always needed them to be. They’re softer versions of the people they once were. They are easier to talk to, less judgmental (which still makes them more judgmental than most), and more supportive; but, in many ways, they… Continue reading
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Unforgiveable?
In active addiction I was a lying full-of-shit liar. Some of you, I’m sure, can relate. Most of the time, my lies were a way of explaining emotions I had little capacity for processing or understanding. On other occasions, they were a means of boosting my non-existent self-esteem. I was a furious anger-ball with a… Continue reading
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I AM Liminal Space…
I would like to thank Mindlovemisery’s Menagerie and Friday Faithfuls for the inspiration responsible for this post. Every piece of my life is liminal space at the moment. It’s as if I’m wrapped in a chrysalis that’s slowly fossilizing and I can’t breathe; because I know once the process is complete I’ll be trapped in… Continue reading
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Tell a Story of the Cursed…
This post is in response to — “In the Wee Hours” — a call by my friend, Mangus Khan, at Memoirs of Madness. My therapist once told me that we must perceive some of the people in our past as “monsters” because they’ve done monstrous things, and that to see them as anything else hinders… Continue reading
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This is Not Normal…
I grew up in a house with two parents who loved me. In that, I was lucky. I also grew up with two adult children of alcoholics who came from pretty dysfunctional families. In this, I was a little less fortunate. When I first started therapy I was asked if I came from a “happy… Continue reading
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F***ck…
I crashed out early last night (like, before nine o’clock early) and when I woke up this morning I discovered that I’d received a text from my baby brother at 10:41 PM: “I love you Cassie. You’re my favorite sister.” When I read it (at 8:25 this morning) my stomach tightened into a knot and… Continue reading
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Puff, Puff, I Ain’t Givin’ It Up!
I vape like a dragon, smoke curling from the left side of my mouth or spouting from my nostrils — always tinged with the barest scent or flavor of vanilla. I am aware that this sounds a bit absurd and slightly immature; but, bear with me. The First Habit to Go Left Me Seeing Hell-Hounds… Continue reading